Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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