just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
