Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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