well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
