I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
