I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
