this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I fill condoms, not promises.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
