Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
