Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
