I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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