So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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