I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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