i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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