Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
