I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
