I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
