i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
