Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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