So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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