his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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