we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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