You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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