hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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