That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
