do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
