You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
