I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
