you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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