recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
