i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
