Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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