I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
