apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
