hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
