Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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