if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
