I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
