Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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