Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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