I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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