I'm drive I can fine osifer
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
