I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
