This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
