I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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