yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
