I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
