Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
