i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
