I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This house was built for laser tag.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
