My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
